COP26 in Glasgow
The Sky is Falling & Filled with 400 Private Jets
The long-awaited COP26 (Conference of the Parties, 26th iteration) commenced on All Saints’ Day in Glasgow. According to press reports from Glasgow, at least 400 private jets ferried governmental officials, billionaires, and climate change activists to meet and rally for the cause of Climate Change. Glasgow streets are being patrolled by UN forces as the city has been designated as UN territory until the end of the conference.
In a doom and gloom message and primed for his supportive audience, Prime Minister Boris Johnson pointed to the internal combustion engine as being the main culprit. In his address, he said,
“Welcome to COP, welcome to Glasgow and to Scotland whose most globally famous fictional son is almost certainly a man called James Bond who generally comes to the climax of his highly lucrative films strapped to a doomsday device desperately trying to work out which coloured wire to pull to turn it off while a red digital clock ticks down remorselessly to a detonation that will end human life as we know it and we are in roughly the same position except my fellow global leaders, as James Bond today except that the tragedy is that this is not a movie, and the doomsday device is real and the clock is ticking to the furious rhythm of hundreds of billions of pistons and turbines and furnaces and engines with which we are pumping carbon into the air faster and faster-record outputs and quilting the earth in an invisible and suffocating blanket of CO2 raising the temperature of the planet with a speed and an abruptness that is entirely manmade and we know what the scientists tell us and we have learned not to ignore them 2 degrees more and we jeopardise the food supply for hundreds of millions of people …”
The Archbishop of Canterbury joined in on the apocalyptic theme in an interview with BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg before issuing an unreserved apology to those he offended.
The Archbishop said history would adjudicate world leaders “probably on this fortnight alone.”
“They could have been brilliant in everything else they’ve done, and they will be cursed if they don’t get this right,” he said. “They could have been rubbish at everything else they’ve done but if they get this right, the children of today will rise up and bless them in 50 years.” The Archbishop went on to say that if they failed to act future generations would speak of them in “far stronger terms than we speak today of… the politicians who ignored what was happening in Nazi Germany because this will kill people all around the world for generations.”
The reaction to Welby’s interview was swift and furious and before long he issued this apology:
“I unequivocally apologise for the words I used when trying to emphasise the gravity of the situation facing us at COP26.
“It’s never right to make comparisons with the atrocities brought by the Nazis and I’m sorry for the offence caused to Jews by these words.”
It is worth noting that despite all the rhetoric about the overabundance of CO2 in the atmosphere, CO2 generators are still being sold to provide CO2 levels necessary for greenhouses. The English Churchman checked and they range from a few hundred pounds to several thousands.
